Category: Family and Caregiver Support

You may have heard the term “tough love” tossed around in relation to how one should deal with addiction in a loved one. But whether or not tough love is the “right” approach for you and the person you are concerned about depends how exactly you define the term and what actions you are considering taking. 

This is because it can sometimes be difficult to distinguish setting appropriate boundaries or ceasing behaviors that may be enabling a loved one’s addiction with a more punitive or demeaning approach. 

While the former may be necessary for your own or your family’s physical safety or emotional health and could spur your loved one to seek treatment, the latter is unlikely to be productive and is far more likely to be harmful. 

When Tough Love Might Be Appropriate

One instance in which tough love may be the way to go is when it refers to the loved ones of an addict deciding to stop behaviors that may have been enabling them. Though it may have been done with the best of intentions, providing an addict with money that they can use for drugs, excusing their bad behavior, or even just giving them a roof over their head, may allow an addict to continue to abuse drugs without experiencing the repercussions that might help them realize that their lifestyle is not sustainable. 

Thus, if you have their best interests at heart, doing something as harsh as monetarily cutting a loved one off or kicking them out of the house until they can get clean may be an appropriate action, especially if their behavior while intoxicated poses a safety risk to you or others in the family. 

Other examples of this kind of tough love could include a refusal to help the addict with legal problems, alerting the addict’s employer or anyone else their addiction is affecting, or alerting the authorities so that they may prosecute the addict for any crimes committed or ensure the safety of any children the addict’s behavior may be putting at risk. For some addicts, it takes measures like this to get them to come to their senses and agree to get help, though they are likely to react with anger before submitting to this help.

In these cases, you should state the tough-love boundaries you plan on enacting clearly and directly, and in a calm, rational manner instead of impulsively and emotionally. Setting these clear boundaries may spur your loved one to consider recovering, or, in sadder situations, it may be the beginning of the process of disentangling yourself from a family member who is unwilling to change. 

When Tough Love Might Not Be The Best Approach

Though tough love can sometimes refer to the boundary-setting practices described above, they can also describe efforts to break down a person’s will and spirit in the hopes of making them so desperate that they will recover. As opposed to protecting them, this type of tough love has the aim of shaming, punishing, and humiliating the addict, who is likely already in an incredibly fragile mental state. 

While anger and resentment of an addicted loved one are completely valid emotions you should take the time to work through on your own, they are unlikely to be productive when directed towards the loved one in question. Likewise, while a reasoned discussion of the risks of drug use could be persuasive to your loved one when they are in a sober and calm state, emotional scare tactics may simply drive them further into denial. 

On the other hand, making it clear to your loved one how much you still value and care about them and that they will have your full support if and when they decide to seek treatment could be incredibly powerful.

Someone who is suffering from addiction is struggling with a complex disease, which means that the actions they undertake during the course of that disease are not fully their fault, nor are they necessarily a reflection of the person underneath that may have a chance to reemerge if your loved one chooses recovery.  

While giving an active addict material things or practical help could be an enabling slippery slope, giving them compassion costs nothing, and can do no harm. Even if someone is dangerously out of control, you can still for example, take their phone calls, communicate with them virtually, or meet with them in safe, public settings. 

In general, tough love should only be used after gentler approaches have failed. However, each person and situation is different, and a threat that could motivate one addict to recover could be the thing to send another into a dangerous downward spiral. Thus, the safest thing to do when wondering how or if you should use tough love when dealing with an addicted loved one is to contact a professional, such as one of our skilled intervention counselors.  

Using The Marchman Act To Force A Loved One Into Treatment

No matter how much you care about an addicted loved one, there is no surefire way to “make” them stop using drugs. However,  if a loved one’s behavior is so out of control that you believe they may be a danger to themselves or others, you can attempt to invoke the Marchman Act, a Florida statute that allows for the involuntary commitment of someone whose substance abuse has reached such a threshold provided that other criteria are met. 

Though it should always be used as a last resort due to the potential that such a harsh measure could cause lasting damage to your relationship with your loved one, the Marchman Act is an example of the right kind of tough love, as it is invoked with the intention of preserving their well-being rather than punishing or shaming them.

To learn more about the Marchman Act, addiction treatment, and how one of our skilled intervention counselors can help you find help for a loved one, feel free to reach out to us today at 833-497-3808.

Suggesting to a loved one that they may need treatment for substance abuse is never an easy conversation. But it can be even harder if your loved one doesn’t even want to admit that they have a problem—in other words, if your loved one is in denial.

What is Denial?

Denial is a well-documented defense mechanism often seen in people who are in the grips of addiction. This mechanism is thought to occur mostly unconsciously, and to occur when someone feels unable to face the negative emotions that would ensue if they were able to face the full truth of their situation. 

When the full truth of their situation is a full-blown addiction to drugs or alcohol, it is easy to understand why these negative emotions might be too much to bear. This is because when someone who has regularly been numbing themselves with drugs or alcohol realizes and admits that they have a problem, they will have to face the fact that they have no other option than to get sober, which will cause them a great deal of anxiety and sadness if they feel that they do not know how to cope with life without using substances. 

Admitting that they have a drug problem may also invoke a great deal of shame, as they are essentially admitting that they have been unable to handle this problem on their own, which could be very threatening to their ego. It may also involve coming to grips with guilt as they face the full truth of the negative consequences that their addiction has caused. 

Signs of Denial/ Common Denial Tactics 

Denial of a substance abuse problem can take many different forms, but here is a list of some of the most common ways that an addict may try to deny that they have a problem.

1. Minimizing

An addict may point to the fact that they are still able to function, or that their problem isn’t as bad as it could be, as justification for why they do not have a problem or do not need treatment. 

E.g: “Lots of people drink everyday/use drugs sometimes. What’s the big deal? “

This minimization can extend to downplaying the risks and consequences of their continual drug use. E.g:

“It’s just a little DUI, I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal of it!”

“Yeah, I know that some people overdose on heroin, but that’s not going to happen to me.” 

2. Claiming Control

It may too threatening for a drug addict to admit they are not actually in control of their substance abuse even if this is the case. Thus, they may consistently claim that they can stop anytime they want to while demonstrating no ability to curb or set limits on their consumption.

One way that this might manifest is an addict pointing to the fact that they were able to go for a short period of time without using as evidence that they are fine while conveniently downplaying the fact that they went right back to their problematic habits afterward.

Or, they may point out to their ability to maintain certain limits, eg, “I never drink or use drugs while at work or while driving,” or “It isn’t as if I shoot up every day” as proof that they are in control when other aspects of their behavior show that this is not in fact the case.

3. Rationalizing

Someone who is exhibiting denial in the course of a substance abuse problem may also deny responsibility for their problem, or deny that their problem necessitates an intervention or treatment, rather than denying that they have a problem per se. 

For instance, they may point out the benefits their substance abuse gives them while ignoring all of the pitfalls. They might claim that they cannot stop using because drugs helps them to relax, socialize, or be more productive. They may also try to assert that they have no choice but to use drugs because they have a traumatic past or suffer from a mental illness. 

While these are potential factors in causing or reinforcing someone’s drug abuse that should be respected and taken seriously, they should always be addressed through appropriate mental health treatment or other healthier coping skills rather than used as by an addict as an excuse for continual drug abuse. 

Are You In Denial?

It’s also important to remember that the phenomenon of denial is in no way limited to people suffering from addiction. Denial as to the seriousness of the situation can also occur in the loved ones of someone who has a substance abuse problem.

It can be scary to admit to yourself that someone you care about has lost control of their use of drugs or alcohol, and, depending on your relationship to them, it might also bring up feelings of shame, guilt, or helplessness.

For instance, if your child or spouse is suffering from addiction, you may deny to yourself that they have a problem, or deny the seriousness of that problem, to avoid confronting issues in your relationship or the idea that you have been a bad parent or partner.

In truth, your loved one may be abusing drugs for all kinds of complicated reasons that have nothing to do with you, and the fact that you are committed enough to try to help them to be considering formal intervention services shows how much you actually care about their well-being.

The danger here, though, is that your denial will allow you to justify enabling behavior, which you might minimize or rationalize in much the same way the addict rationalizes their drug abuse. Helping an addict to function despite their serious substance abuse or even simply not intervening if they pose a clear danger to themselves or others could allow them to continue indefinitely on an incredibly destructive path.

What To Do If Someone Is In Denial

Denial is a relatively common stage in the process of coming to grips with an addiction problem, and the fact that your loved one is currently in denial in no way means they will be never be able to come to grips with their substance abuse and eventually achieve a full recovery. 

However, if you wait for them to reach that point on their own, the terrifying truth is that they may cause irreversible to damage to their health, invoke lifelong legal consequences, or, in the worst case scenario, lose their life to an overdose or an intoxication-related accident before they are ready to face their disorder on their own.

This is true even of an addict who does not deny that they have a problem but continually claims that they are going to get help “eventually” or “when they are ready” despite the fact that negative consequences are amassing in the meantime.

Thus, it may be necessary for you to confront them about their problem rather than wait for them to come to their senses. If you do go this route, try to approach them when they are in a calm, sober state rather than when they are intoxicated or emotional, and try to come at the matter from a reasoned, rational place rather than focusing on your own negative emotions or condemning the addict for their behavior. 

Instead of trying to invoke guilt or shame, emphasize the concrete proof that their behavior is out of control: for instance, you can try pointing out the number of alcoholic drinks they are having per day, or making a list of all of the negative consequences their drug addiction has caused them. Then, calmly explain why you are concerned and the risks that they face if they continue on their current path, and offer any emotional and practical support you can to help them in pursuing the appropriate treatment.

If this all seems a little overwhelming, you should also know that you don’t have to go at this alone. If you are worried about a loved one who is currently struggling with addiction, you could also enlist the help of one of our skilled intervention counselors to act as a buffer between  and to help you find the most effective way to convey your concern.

In extreme cases, if your loved one remains unresponsive and deep in denial even after a professionally guided confrontation, our intervention counselor will be able to guide you through the process of filing a Marchman Act petition.  

This Marchman Act petition will, if successful, require your loved one to be involuntarily committed to a drug treatment program, in which mental health professionals will be able to gradually chip away at their denial and help them find a path toward lasting sobriety. 

To learn more about the Marchman Act and how our skilled intervention services can help your loved one today, call us anytime at 833-497-3808 or contact us using this form.

Nobody is happy to entertain the possibility that someone who they love has been abusing drugs. But if you fear that that unfortunate situation is a loved one’s reality, it may be your responsibility to determine whether your loved one has indeed been abusing substances and what action you now need to take to protect their safety and well-being.

Some signs of a substance use disorder are the same across different kinds of drugs. These signs of addiction include poor performance at school or work, unexplained personality changes or mood swings, sudden change in eating or sleeping patterns, unexplained weight loss, uncharacteristic secretiveness, and unexplained withdrawal from social life.

Other signs differ depending on the type of substance involved. For example, if someone is struggling with an addiction to a legal drug like alcohol or a medication that was initially prescribed to them, you may notice a pattern of escalating use, as a few drinks with dinner or an occasional Xanax to wind down gradually becomes a more constant intoxication. 

But if someone is abusing an illegal drug or a medication that was never prescribed to them, they are more likely to try to hide their drug use completely, especially if they suspect you will disapprove.

Other signs of drug abuse that can differ depending on what drug someone is abusing have more to do with the specific symptoms of intoxication that tend to occur with different drug types.

Classes Of Drugs And Common Symptoms

One type of commonly abused drugs are stimulants, a class which includes illegal drugs like cocaine and amphetamines as well as some prescription drugs commonly used in the treatment of ADHD, like Adderall, Ritalin, and Concerta.

Since these drugs rev up the nervous system, someone who is high on them will likely appear wired, restless, and hyperactive. They can appear more talkative, energetic, and confident than usual but can also display frightening psychological symptoms like aggression, paranoia, and loss of touch with reality. Stimulant use can also come with the risk of physical complications from overdose like seizures and heart failure.

Depressants are another class of drugs that can foster addiction that work in an almost opposite way, slowing down thought and bodily processes in a way that those who abuse them find relaxing. This category includes alcohol as well as some prescription drugs like benzodiazepines and opioid painkillers, plus some illegal drugs like heroin.

You’re probably familiar with the behavior of someone who is drunk, but someone who is using opiates or sedatives is likely to appear more zoned-out and lethargic, though also perhaps strangely euphoric. You also might notice dilated pupils, slower breathing, or slurred speech. If someone who you suspect has been abusing depressants appears unresponsive, you should seek medical attention immediately in case of an overdose.

Last but not least, there are hallucinogens, which tend to be less addictive than stimulants or depressants but can still indicate a serious substance problem. Some commonly abused hallucinogens include LSD, PCP, ketamine, and psilocybin. These drugs work by altering someone’s awareness of the world around them, either by causing a state of dissociation or by invoking hallucinations that take them into another world entirely.

You can recognize someone who is high on a hallucinogen if they appear to be seeing things that are not there, out of touch with or detached from reality, or speaking in a way that does not make sense. Depending on the drug used, they also may appear paranoid, aggressive, or even entirely immobilized. Some of these drugs also come with physical indicators, like an increased heart rate or dilated pupils.

It’s also worth noting that some drugs, like marijuana and ecstasy, have qualities of more than one “class,” as well as that many people who abuse substances have issues involving more than one drug, a condition known as “polydrug abuse.” 

Withdrawal from many of these drugs also comes with its own psychological side effects, like irritability, anxiety, or lethargy, that could be hard to differentiate from intoxication. Thus, any confusing mixture of symptoms that could potentially be attributed to substance abuse might be worth investigating further.  

However, it’s also important to remember that drug use is not the only possible explanation. Some mental illnesses, like bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, or even severe depression, could present similarly to abuse of certain substances. Either way, though, if your loved one is sufficiently incapacitated, they may need your help in obtaining appropriate treatment for their condition.

What To Watch Out For

Aside from the behavioral signs of drug abuse, you may be able to figure out that your loved one is abusing drugs if you catch them with the physical drugs themselves. Be on the lookout for strange powders, liquids, or substances, or perhaps for a baggies of unmarked pills or a pill bottle with someone else’s name on it. 

Your suspicions about your loved one’s drug abuse might also be given more credence if you find drug paraphernalia. Drugs that can be smoked could be indicated by the presence of rolling papers, lighters or pipes. And drugs that can be snorted might be signaled by the presence of rolled up dollar bills or straws to snort through, or a razor blade or credit card used to move powdered substances into lines.

For drugs that can be injected, besides the obvious syringes, you may also want to look for lighters and burnt spoons used to heat up substances before injection, or something that might have been used as a tourniquet to tie off an injection site, like a belt, rubber band, or shoelace. 

Snorting or smoking drugs can also cause upper respiratory symptoms that could be a tip-off to your loved one’s drug use. And the surest sign that someone has been injecting them is the presence of track marks, usually on the person’s non-dominant arm but occasionally on other body parts as well. Someone who is constantly wearing long sleeves, even in warm weather, may also be making an effort to cover up these marks. 

Some drugs also have a distinct smell, and you might notice either the scent itself or your loved ones’ efforts to disguise it; for example, an alcoholic might frequently chew gum or suck on mints to hide the stench of liquor on their breath. 

Help Your Loved One Using The Marchman Act

If you are able to ascertain that your loved one does indeed have a drug problem, your next move will depend on how severe the problem is and whether or not your loved one is willing to seek help themselves. But if they are not, and they are clearly causing serious harm to themselves, your hands are not tied.

Though such a measure should be a last resort given its potential to cause lasting damage to you and your loved ones’ relationship, the Marchman Act is a Florida statute that allows for someone whose substance abuse has made them a danger to themselves or others to be involuntarily committed to a treatment program. To learn more about filing the Marchman Act and how one of our skilled intervention counselors can help you through the process, feel free to contact us anytime at 833-497-3808.